"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
