it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
