im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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