We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
this just has baby written all over it
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You are the jesus of drinking
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
