good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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