K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
