we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
