Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize