so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have tasted many bathrooms
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
