when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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