This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
