somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
