I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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