I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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