So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Hippo gnu deer
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
