I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
