Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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