Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
