You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
