She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
