i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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