I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I will be naked everywhere
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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