Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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