You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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