In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And then my night got REAL pukey
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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