i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
