ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
