And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
