dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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