capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I currently don't understand fingers.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
