We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
