you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
