I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
