aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
