Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i think im in europe. pls send help
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
