also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
