I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
