You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
