I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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