yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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