Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
