i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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