told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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