Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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