I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
