Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
