well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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