I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
