I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
