the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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