do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
