that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
