I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
