I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We need to get me chipped asap
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
