I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
