Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
