Plan B is the new Plan A
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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