i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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