Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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