will power is for people who don't want to get laid
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
