I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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