my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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