You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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