she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
