if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
