i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
