The maid of honor just puked.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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